


I'll make cereal

by annaiva_v



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King, Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Character Death, Good Parent Maggie Tozier, M/M, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Visions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annaiva_v/pseuds/annaiva_v
Summary: What do you do when your only love doesn't love you back? Develop telekinetic powers and go to Hawkins, obviously. Or so Richie Tozier thought, but what happens when your one true love actually loves you too?*UPDATED*
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Will Byers/Richie Tozier
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	I'll make cereal

“Hey Rich, your ten minutes are up.” It was a conversation we’d had many times already, but I just can’t help rilling him up. It always gives me butterflies when his cheeks tint pink and he just goes off, the way his voice gets shrill and he starts doing those stupid hand motions. I have to hide my satisfied smile when Eddie forcibly inserts himself into the hammock, his warm body presses against mine and I hid my blush with the X-men comic book I’ve been reading.

“Your feet fucking reek.”

“Then get out.”“According to the rules you should get out.” I stick my foot directly in his mouth as he talks and his eyes bulge. I’m reminded of all the signs at the petting zoo telling kids not to put their hands near the animal's mouth, as I watch Eddie bite down as hard as he can.

“What the fuck! You’re fucking feral!”

“Was your fault for putting your foot where it’s not supposed to be.” I can’t help but laugh at the expression on his face, It’s kinda like a cross between a tomato and a very angry chihuahua.“What the fuck are you laughing at?” I pull the comic book up even further so Eddie can’t see me laughing. I can hear the others snickering and I peek over the top of the book to see Eddies’ angry, adorable, red face.

“I hate all of you.”

“You love us Eddie spaghetti.” I see him roll his eyes but he doesn’t deny it. Everywhere our bodies touch is like an electric current, the hot summer sun isn’t helping. I revel in the proximity a little longer before my sweaty body literally can’t take it anymore.

“I hate to cut the party short but I should be heading back. Wouldn’t want Mrs. K to miss me.” Eddie glares at me but before he can yell I throw open the hatch and climb out. I think of stopping by the arcade on my way home, but the memory is still too raw. Conner had actually apologized, it was a nice idea but that didn’t stop the hurt, it didn’t stop the eyes I felt all over my body every time I tried to walk in. Once I get home I kick off my Docs and drop my backpack on the floor.

“Mom? I’m home.”

I try not to feel disappointed at the lack of response. She’s probably just working late, like usual. As I make my way through the apartment I cross out today’s date on the calendar because Maggie always forgets to. The house feels quiet compared to our lively clubhouse, I already miss Eddie’s incessant nattering about whatever disease he’s discovered today. Just thinking about him makes my heart flutter and my palms sweaty. I have a secret, and it weighs heavy on my mind every time I think of him. I need to tell him, I need to let him know how important he truly is to me. I don’t even know where to start, Hey I’ve been in love with you my entire life, so anyways how’s your day going? It’s stupid how crazy I am for him, in a town like this we wouldn’t even have a chance. And that’s only if he likes me back, which is highly unlikely. He insults everything I do and on top of that thinks i’m disgusting, but you know what they say: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Today is the day, the day I confess my undying love for Eddie. When I put it like that it sounds so dramatic, but it’s true. Everything about him makes me fall harder every day, even his stupid slicked-back hair. I’m jittery with nerves as a make my way to our usual meet up spot. I’m not going to do it in front of everyone, I’d basically be asking to get beat up. Later tonight on my usual visit to his window I’ll tell him. Hopefully, he doesn’t push me out of it.

“Stan the man! How’s your mother?”

“Stay away from my mother.” I playfully slap his back and he glares at me. I look around but there is no Eddie, bummer. It only makes the butterfly’s in my stomach worse, does he know what i’m gonna do? Is he avoiding me?

“What’s in your head, Rich?” Beverly’s gentle voice brings me back to reality, we’re at the clubhouse. I don’t remember walking here.

“Nothing important.” She gives me a scolding look, she’s very familiar with my self-deprecating tendencies.

“Is Eddie coming?” It’s a lousy attempt at changing the subject, and I know she knows.

“I stopped by his place but his mom said he was to sick to go out. But you know how she overreacts.” I am very familiar with his mother’s tendencies -not in the gross sexual way- I’m usually on the receiving end of her reactions. 

The day passes in a blur, I’m too preoccupied with thoughts of Eddie. I’m walking to his house and I’m almost positive I’m going to throw up. The butterflies are now a raging storm in my stomach and I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m already standing by the oak tree beside his window, is this a good idea? The branches are rough against my hands as I make my way up, slowly. I tap so lightly I’m afraid he hasn’t heard me, I turn around but the window opens.

“Richie?” His voice is rough with sleep, and I feel bad for waking him up. It’s definitely too late to turn around now.

“Ya it’s me, can I come in?” He moves away from the window and I take that as my cue to crawl in. We’re standing in the middle of his room, my hands are shaking.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Right now I wish it was, it would be less terrifying.

“I need to tell you something really important.” I have to force the words out of my mouth, I wring my hands together in hopes to stop the shaking. Here goes everything.

“Eddie, I think i’m in love with you.” His face doesn’t change throughout and it’s like dropping rocks into my stomach.

“Eddie please say something.” He’s silent for a few more agonizing seconds.

“Richie, I’m not gay.” The words cut through me like a knife, I don’t even know what to say.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“Yes.” I’m put on autopilot as I leave his room, it hurts. It hurts so fucking much.

“Are we still friends?” What’s the point if we can’t be friends, I don’t think I could live without him in my life.

“Sure.” The rejection hurts but at least we’ll still talk. I know it won’t be the same. I kick a trash can over and scream into my hands, why did it have to turn out like this? I thought we were on the same wavelength but obviously, I was wrong. Of course, Eddie isn’t gay, he’s not dirty. I don’t go home, I can’t walk into that empty house. So instead I find myself walking to Beverly’s house, she moved in with her Aunt a couple years back. She welcomes me in with an understanding sympathy, I finally let the tears run loose. She holds me in her warm embrace and whispers comforting words into my hair.

“I love him, Bev.”

“I know sweetie. I know.” She holds me tighter but doesn’t say anything else. I’ll forever be grateful for her, she’s probably my closest friend.

“Will it ever stop hurting?” I know she’s in love with Bill, but he’s with someone else.

“You just learn to manage the hurt.” I know it’s the truth but it breaks another barrier of tears, and now I’m fully sobbing into her shoulder.

“It’s never going to be the same again.” I mourn the loss of my best friend, because I saw the way he looked at me, I saw the barely concealed disgust in his eyes.

_Will Byers, Hawkins Indiana_

I don’t want to leave, everything I know is here. But I understand why mom says we have to go, it’s too hard for her to stay here.

“Five minutes Will!” She’s already outside with Eleven, but I can’t leave without saying goodbye.

“Why don’t we just run away together?” Mike’s crying and I have to fight the urge to wipe his tears away, I don’t want to leave him behind.

“You know I can’t, but we can talk on the phone every day. And when I get my license I'll drive down every summer.” He nods and pulls me in for one last hug, the rest of the party had already left. It’s just me and Mike.

“Will! It’s time to go!” I pull myself away from Mike and we walk out of the house together. Eleven is already in the car with red eyes, her, and Mike share a smile but that’s it.

“Goodbye, Mike.” I climb into the back seat behind Jonathan, I don’t cry. There’s been to many tears in my lifetime, this is a chance at a happier life. I try to tell myself that over and over, But as Mike’s figure fades behind me I don’t want anything to change.

“How about we stop at that donut shop? That can be fun?” I know she’s trying, this is hard for her too, but I don’t want to go anywhere.

“Donuts?” El finally speaks and it’s clear she has no idea what a donut is. It makes me laugh.

“I think you’ll like it.”

In the end, she loved it and almost cried when mom refused to buy her another one. She caved and each of us got seconds, it almost made me forget we were leaving our home. After roughly 17 hours on the road, we finally arrive at the welcome sign to Derry, Maine. It was a small town with a population of 1,000. As we drove through the streets were lively and filled with kids high in summer. I felt a pang of longing, this could be me and my friends but our friendship was cut short. Eleven is watching with rapt attention as we pass by an abundance of shops. We pass by a disgusting looking house on Neibolt street, I have to suppress a full-body shiver. Even as we drive away from it I can feel its presence on the back of my neck.

_Richie Tozier, Derry Maine_

It’s the first day of school and everything is different. Ever since that night, Eddie hasn’t looked at me the same, he’s barely even talked to me. The others have definitely noticed but they haven’t said anything. Beverly is the only one who knows the truth and she’s been dutiful to keep it hidden. I’ve been chosen to show some new kids around, the Losers were surprised at that. Everyone forgets I’m actually good at school. I’ve got my Licence so I drive to school in the old pickup my dad left behind. I don’t pick anyone up because the principal has asked me to show up an hour early. I’m walking up the front steps when I see the new kids, it’s a girl and a boy. The boy is eyeing me weird and I don’t need to deal with this so early in the morning.

“Mike?” I turn around expecting to see Mike behind me but the street is empty.

“I’m Richie.”

“No, Mike.” Are they fucking stupid, I just told them I wasn’t Mike, I’m not even black.

“No, I’m Richie. Are you guys Will and Eleven? Is that really your name, Eleven?” The girl nods and the boy won’t stop looking at me.

“Take a picture it’ll last longer. Anyways I’m here to show you two around the school, so if we can get moving, cause we don’t have a lot of time.” My words kick them into motion and I start to show them around the school, it’s all terribly boring.

“You’re nothing like him.” What the hell is this kid's deal?

“Ok, and?”

“It’s just that you look identical, but you’re polar opposites.” Who the fuck is this Mike kid anyways? Beverly would probably find this whole interaction hilarious.

“Anyways that’s Derry High school, it’s even shittier when the students show up.” I get a laugh from Eleven which brightens my mood.

“Is it really that bad?” It would be unfair to lie and tell him everything is flowers and rainbows.

“If you stay out of everyone’s way and don’t draw any attention to yourselves, you’ll be fine.” His face falls but it’s the truth, I had to learnthat the hard way. We all did.

“Meet me in front of the cafeteria before lunch.” This gives me an excuse to get out of here and avoid Eddie. I can’t stand the way he flinches away from my touches and sits miles away from me. They nod their confirmation and I leave without another word.

Lunch couldn’t come fast enough, I’ve been itching to move around since I talked to the new kids this morning. Like I told them they are waiting for me in front of the cafeteria, I can sense Eleven’s nervous energy from here.

“C’mon we’re going for a drive.” Will hesitates but Eleven drags him by his arm all the way to my truck.

“You can drive?”

“Ya I’m seventeen, How old are you?” If I’m hanging out with a goddamn fifteen-year-old, I’m gonna end it.

“Sixteen.” Ok, that’s not too bad, I’m used to being the youngest. Eddie is the oldest.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know your own age?” The two exchange a look before Will answers me.

“It’s complicated.” I just shrug my shoulder’s I’m very close with complicated, it’s practically my whole life.

“Let’s skip the rest of the day, I’ll show you around the town.” Once again Will looks reluctant.

“Bitchin” She reminds me so much of Beverly.

“Yeah, bitchin.” I show them around the town and take them to a diner in the corner of the town. We share a plate of fries and milkshakes, I’m actually having a good time. Their company is different than the loser’s but it is very much welcome. Maybe this is what I need, a break from my usual friends.

“So where’d you come from?”

“Hawkins, Indiana”

“That’s a ways away, what’re you running from?” I meant it as a joke but there is clear panic in their eyes, I see it clear as day because I’m familiar with the feeling. What are they running from? And why Derry, Derry is the place they should be running from.

“The bad stuff, to much hurt.” I’m surprised at her truthful response, the truth isn’t a common thing here.

“I’m not sure Derry is the best place to run to. There’s plenty of bad stuff to go around.”Why did I have to be such a loudmouth and go on asking questions I had no business knowing. I’ve ruined the good mood and they’ll probably never want to talk to me again

“Why don’t we go see more of the town?” I’m thankful for the change of subject, so I eagerly accept it. I wonder if the losers are worrying about me, Eddie probably isn’t. We’re walking past the arcade and Eleven stops at the doors.

“Mike likes games.” Will grabs the handle but it won’t open.

“No. I don’t want to.” She wiped her hand under her nose and her pointer finger came away red.

“Why don’t you come over? My mom would be happy to know where making friends.” I’m filled with relief, an invitation to hang out means they don’t hate me. It might even mean I‘ve made new friends. I eagerly agree and I drive them to the apartment complex they’re living in.

“I live two floors down from you guys.” Funny how it all works out.

“Will, Eleven is that you? You guys are home early.” Oh shit, it wasn’t even 2:30 yet.

“Yes it’s us, we brought a friend home.” A short woman comes bustling to the front door and greeted him with a kind smile.

“Mike is here?” Once again, who the fuck is this Mike kid. And why did he apparently look just like him?

“Actually this is Richie.” She pulled away from me with a sheepish look painted on her face. I smile back at her hoping to ease the awkward tension that has settled over us all.

“Hello, Richie. I’m Joyce.” We shook hands and she led us all into the main room of the house. It was filled with moving boxes, some empty and some not.

“How was your first day? Was everyone nice?”

“Actually we left after lunch, Richie showed us around the town.” I expect her to yell and to tell me to stay away from her son. It’s what Sonia usually does, and Eddie would usually sit there and say nothing. But she just gives her son an understanding smile.

“That’s alright, why don’t you stay for dinner?”

“Are you sure that’s ok?”

“Absolutely!”

Usually, I hated meatloaf but the way Joyce made it may have changed my mind. 

“Have some more, you’re so skinny.” I feel my smile falter, thankfully no one notices. Before I can say anything Eleven speaks up.

“Thank you. Can I go?”

“Sure thing sweetie.” Eleven clears her spot then heads for her room.

“So, Richie how long have you been in Derry?”

“My whole life, I’ve never known another place.”

“What do your parents do?” I don’t want to be here anymore, I never know how to respond to these questions.

“My mom's a nurse.” I pray that she doesn’t ask about my dad, how would I explain that he found me with another boy and then fucked off.

“That must be tough, does she work a lot?” She’s never home, most times I think it’s because she doesn’t want to see me.

“No, she’s actually home a lot.” I put on a fake smile hoping she won’t see through my facade.

“Can I use your phone?”

“Sure thing!” I excuse myself from the table and make my way to the end of the hallway. I dial Beverly’s number, I know it by heart.

“Marsh residence.”

“Hi it’s Richie, is Bev there.” The phone clicks and Beverly’s voice goes through the speakers.

“Hey babe what’s up?” I smile at the pet name and start twirling the cord around my fingers.

“Can I stay at your place tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course, what time should I be expecting you?”

“Maybe nine? I need to get my stuff first.”

_Hello Mike._

“What did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything”

_I miss you._

“Are you sure you’re not saying anything?”

“Yes. Rich is everything okay?”

_There’s bad stuff here._

“Bev I’ve gotta go.”

“Rich I-” I hang up the phone and try to search for the source of the noise. There’s a ringing in my ears that grows louder and louder as I near a door at the end of the hallway.

_I feel it. The bad thing._

I open the door and I see Eleven sitting on the floor with a blindfold on. The radio is filling the room with static, and the ringing reaches a crescendo as I lay my hand on her shoulder. My vision goes black and I’m thrust out of my body.

_Richie?_

**Richie? Who’s Richie?**

“Where the hell am I?”

**Who the hell are you?**

_It’s the void._

“Oh cool, how the fuck am I supposed to know what that is?”

**She’s got awesome superpowers**

“I’m not feeling too good” Before I even know what’s happening the ground is swept up beneath me. I open my eyes to see three concerned faces looking down at me.

“Richie dear? Are you alright?”

“I’m totally cool. What the hell is going on?” I get into a sitting position and blood rushes to my head.

“I’m going to puke.” Joyce pulls garbage can towards me and I empty my stomach into it. Belatedly I realize that my nose is gushing blood, I wipe it away and my hand comes away dark red.

“I think we should tell him, mom.”

“Tell me what?” Eleven gets me some water and Will begins to tell the story.

“It all started one summer, my friends and I were biking home. I took off by myself, and I don’t even know what happened. One minute I was in Hawkins and the next I was somewhere completely different, we call it the upside-down. After what felt like years I finally got out, but something got out with me. It was in my head and it was using me. My friends saved me and El closed the gate. Or at least we thought she did. But these crazy Russians opened it again. This giant flesh monster we call it the mind flayer, wanted to kill Eleven because she was the only thing who could kill it. My mom and Hopper shut the gate and kill a bunch of Russians. But Hopper didn’t make it and we had to leave, that place was filled with too many bad memories.”

“What the fuck are those Commie bastards doing in America?”

“After all, I told you you’re worried about the Russians?”

“Well ya, Like you said it’s just some flesh monster. Nothing you can’t easily kill.” This poor fucking kid must be traumatized, but this is a child’s play. They don’t even know what lurks in Derry’s sewers.

“How could you see the void?” Oh yeah, that still happened.

“I heard you in my head, then I touched your shoulder and I was somewhere else.” Maybe I should tell them about Pennywise. While running from a monster they found a new one, but much worse.

“Are you like me?”

“Like you?” She grabs my hands, they’re cold.

“Show me your wrist.”

“No!” I yank my hands back and they all look at me. I should tell them, I need to tell them so they can get out of here.

“You’re not safe here. It’s worse than the Mind Flayer, you have to leave.” They give me confused looks so I tell them about that summer.

“So basically what I’m saying is that you should get the hell out of here while you still can. It doesn’t want to just kill you, it wants to torture you. Until you’re just right then It tears you apart, while you’re still alive.”

“I can take it.” These people must have an actual death wish. Why aren’t they packing their shit up and getting the hell out of dodge?

“No darling, you can’t. It’s not like the Mind Flayer, It is _thousands_ of years old. It’s basically a god.” I admire her confidence but that’s what’ll get her killed. I can’t bear to see any more kids go missing.

“So the parents don’t care? Their kids are dying!” It’s strange to see a mother care so much, she has tears in her eyes.

“They don’t know they’re dead, It has this way of putting a fog over their minds. They see what It wants them to see.”

“But you said it only comes back every twenty-seven years. So technically were safe until them.” I forgot It hadn’t touched them, as It had touched us. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t see it lurking in every corner. Sometimes I’m scared I’ll wake up and I’ll be down in the cavern, suspended by Its lights. I look to the clock and see that it say 8:30pm.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry I have to go. Promise me you won’t tell a soul.” They all nod and I take that as my cue to leave.

“You’re late.”

“They know Bev. I told them everything.” She stops all movement and gives me an incredulous look.

“Who, who knows?” Shit, I haven’t even told her about the new kids.

“The new kids. But they went through some crazy shit back in Hawkins. They called it the Mind Flayer and it took over people's minds and controlled them. Then they all melted and turned into one huge flesh monster.”

“But why’d you hang up, I thought something had happened to you.” I didn’t mean to make her worry.

“Well, something did. I was hearing a voice in my head and this insanely loud screeching. Then I touched Eleven’s shoulder-”

“Eleven?”

“-That’s the girl, anyways as soon as I touched her it was like I was somewhere else. She had been talking to someone in a place. She calls it the void. Then I woke up and had a massive nosebleed then puked, told them everything. And now I’m here.” She’s opened a pack of cigarettes and passes on to my shaking hands. I take a deep inhale as she processes all I’ve told her. I’m not even sure I’ve processed it. Looking back all of it sounds pretty fucking crazy.

“Are you high? Did you go on some wack ass trip?” I don’t remember smoking anything today. Anyways that’s beside the point, why won’t she believe me. Like I know I lie, a lot, but that doesn’t mean i’m not telling the truth right now.

“Unfortunately, no. I’m being real here Bev. They’ve been through some crazy shit.” I can see how this might not make sense.

“Do you think it has something to do with It?”

“I hadn’t actually thought of that.”

“That’s because you don’t think.” Now that she mentions it, it does make a little sense. That monster had eaten people, and they’d probably been pretty fucking terrified.

“All of their shit happened a year after we killed it. Do you think It somehow ended up in Hawkins? How big are the sewer systems?” I’m probably tearing wholes in her carpet by the amount of pacing I’m doing, but it’s the only thing to keep me somewhat calm.

“It’s not like what we experienced, It was only seen as one thing. And there’s the whole thing with the Russians.” My cigarette is burned to the end and I stop my pacing to grab a new one. Beverly is watching with a curious glint in her eyes, but she isn’t helping me in trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

“Then there’s the upside-down, but only Will could see it. What if it’s some form of the deadlights? I don’t think It actually left Derry, we’d know. But what if a piece of itself branches off, we cut off It’s feeding cycle. It was still hungry,” I light another cigarette.

“But it was weak so It had to possess people. And It built this monster too, to garner the most fear, but It didn’t prepare for Eleven. Just like it wasn’t prepared for us.” I’m already done my third cigarette, Beverly hands the pack over to me.

“The Russian with their fancy gate shit or whatever, that’s what was giving It more power. As soon as they turned the machine off It wasn’t powerful enough to sustain that form.” I finally finish and I toss the empty pack into the garbage.

“Well? What do you think?”

“You’re actually really smart.”

“That’s all you got from this? That i’m smart, I thought you already knew that?” The losers always made jokes that i’m stupid, did they genuinely not know? Eddie had to know, we studied together all the time.

“It’s never really occurred to me. Anyways your theory makes sense in theory. We don’t have any proof, they could just be some bizarre coincidence. Or It has found a new way to get food.”

“El said they killed It.”

“Then I don’t see what the worry is all about. You’re just going to stress yourself out thinking about it.” Does she not see this as a problem? This could turn into a very big problem if left untouched. Eddie would see my side, he would probably freak out even more than me. I miss him.

“Rich, you’ve already got enough going on. You don’t need to worry about this too, Ok. How about some sleep now, you look like death.”

“You’re such a nerd!” I only say that because Will is showing me all his D&D stuff, it’s actually very endearing.

“All of my friends back home play it.” He’s smiling so I can tell he isn’t actually offended. It’s totally different to the way Eddie would’ve reacted.

“So all of your friends are nerds?” He just smiles and continues to pull out all his stuff, the loser’s never had a game that we all played, all we did during the summer was run around the sewers.

“What are your friends like?” His eyes light up at the question and I feel a found smile slip onto my face.

“First there’s Mike, he’s the one who looks just like you. He’s my closest friend, we’ve known each other since kindergarten. He was always there for me, he’s also dating Eleven. Then there’s Dustin and Lucas they’re super cool, but I haven’t known them as long as Mike. Lastly, there’s Max, she’s the newest member so I don’t really know her that well. I never got to meet her during the whole possession thing.” That’s probably why Eleven looks at me all the time, apparently, I’m identical to her boyfriend.

“You haven’t told me about your friends yet.” I don’t even know how to describe them.

“We have the local redhead Beverly, a real firecracker that one. Then there’s Mike, he’s homeschooled and the nicest man you’ll ever meet. Ben is just a great big softie. Bill is the leader, he’s the best. Stanley is Jewish. Then there’s Eddie, I’m not really sure how to describe him.” Just saying his name aloud is bringing up all the feelings I’ve spent years ignoring.

“I’d love to meet them sometime, so would El.” Would they mix well together? Would I want them to mix? I just want to keep Will to myself, he’s something that only I have.

“Why don’t you show me how to play?”

A knocking at my door startles me awake and I drizzly walk to the door. Someone better have been murdered next door, otherwise, I’m going to lose it.

“Eddie?” He’s still in his pajamas with a bag thrown across his shoulder.

“Are you gonna let me in? Or am I gonna stand here all night?” Without another word, a step aside and he powers past me.

“When’s the last time you ate? I’ll make something.” I’m still standing dumbstruck in the doorway. He hasn’t talked to me in days, then he just shows up out of the blue. He’s giving me emotional whiplash.

“I’m making grilled cheese, cause you have fuck all in your house.” I finally walk towards the kitchen and sit down. He’s hastily throwing stuff together, usually, he’s very precise and organized. He must be angry.

“Why are you here?”

“Does there have to be a reason? What if I just sat to see you?” He’s definitely angry, each word is punctuated by an aggressive swipe of butter. The bread is most likely torn up.

“You haven’t talked to me in days.” It would have eventually come up.

“You hang around with the new kids a lot. I don’t like them.” Subject avoidance, I smell burnt toast. Am I having a stroke, nope the bread is burning? Eddie also notices this and rushes to take it off the burner. He rubs a hand down his face and sighs. The sandwich is thrown haphazardly onto a plate and handed to me.

“What’s so good about them? Are they better than me?” There it is, the jealousy. It was bound to pop up at some point, I sometimes forget how possessive Eddie could get.

“Of course not, you’re better.” The best thing to do here is to assure him he’s better. I don’t feel like picking a fight tonight, I just want to sleep.

“Eat. It’s getting cold.” The tension is easy, if only by a little bit. Judging by the pack resting by his feet, he’s planned on staying the night. The sandwich isn’t good at all, it’s burnt. There’s a heavy silence enveloping us, but I’m not sure I want to break through it. I’ve been imagining seeing him for days, but know that he’s actually in front of me. No words come to mind.

“You were always a better cook.” It’s hard to fall back into our usual dynamic after I ruined everything.

“Why are you here?” I ask the question again, I need a straight answer.

“I don’t like seeing you with other people.” It’s always Richie and Eddie, always. After I told him, it was just Richie, and just Eddie. Then Eddie had seen him with someone else, he probably thought that Will was his replacement. But how do I explain to him that there’s a place in my heart only for him?

“I don’t want things to be weird between us. I just want to go back to normal Rich.” That’s funny cause I remember him being the one to make things awkward. He was the one to ignore me first.

“I could never replace you if that’s what you’re thinking.” A red flush covers his face and I realize I may have crossed some invisible line.

“Why would you even think that? It’s not like you’re not allowed to have other friends. I’m fine with you hanging out and having fun with other people.” He was crying. Obviously, he does care about that, if the tears running down his cheeks were any evidence. I stand up and pull him into my chest, I cradle his head in my hand. Like my mother used to do when I was upset.

“Eds, you mean so much to me, you know that right? I love you.”

“I know.” It’s an acknowledgment of my feelings, not exactly what I was hoping for. But it’s something Right?

“It’s alright for me to stay the night?”

“Of course Eds,” I tell him to go up to my room while a clean up the dishes, I toss the uneaten sandwiches into the trash. I pull out a pack and light a cigarette, Eddie will berate me when I come up. I can’t find it in myself to care. A lump weighs heavy in my heart, I don’t know why I care so much. I know he can never love me the way I want him to. It’s not his fault, I was just stupid enough to fall in love with him.

I wake up alone, I’m disappointed but not surprised. It’s always been like this, one of us would leave before the sun rose in fear of getting caught. But it’s the weekend, we usually stay longer on weekends. I know it’s early but I pull out a cigarette and light it. Beverly says I stress smoke, but I don’t buy it. Everyone smokes, maybe I punch out a few more than most. But it’s only natural with the kind of lifestyle I live. My diet is more nicotine than food. Eddie always hates when I say that, but there’s not much I can do when my mom is never home to cook dinner or to buy groceries. It’s a bit easier to nick a few packs than an entire meal. He didn’t even leave a note, usually, we’d write each other a goodbye. Maybe a promise to see each other later, but as I look around the house it’s as empty as when he came. I let the acrid taste linger in my mouth before blowing it out, the smoke hangs heavy in the air before dissipating. I could sit here and wallow in my self-pity or I could go out. Maybe see what Will is up too. Would Eddie be jealous if he saw us together? Would it make him come back again tonight, would he seek me out just to prove he’s the only one? Does he seek comfort, or is it validation? Would he ever be able to love someone like me? Maybe I’m just being foolish and filling myself with false hope. He told me so himself, he’s not like me.

I’m not sure how I feel about Will, obviously, I like him. But I feel as if it might be a touch more than that. He contrasts Eddie in every way, and just as I’ve fallen for my Eds, I feel myself fall for him. It’s not the same, it could never be the same. Nothing can match the capacity at which I love Eddie, it’s scary sometimes. I’ll get these moments where I’m just consumed with the need to be with him. Then when we’re together I never want to leave. There’s something different about the way I feel when I’m with Will, I don’t feel this way when I’m with my friends. I shouldn’t feel this way with someone I’ve just met, it took me at least three years to solidify my feelings for Eddie.

“Richie? Are you listening?” I’m shaken out of my thoughts by Will’s voice. I’ve totally forgotten he was with me. It’s funny that he was the one on my mind but I’ve neglected his actual presence.

“Sorry Will, what were you saying?” He doesn’t roll his eyes or chastise me for not listening, he just has an understanding look on his face as he repeats.

“You said It’s gone into a hibernation of sorts, how can you be sure? We left to be safe, but I don’t feel safe,” He takes a shaking breath and gently touches the back of his neck.

“Whenever he was close I could feel it, and I’d go cold in fear. Sometimes I feel it here.” In one of my surprisingly few moments of boldness, I take his hands in mine. He doesn’t flinch back but leans forward.

“I can’t guarantee It’s absence, but I want you to know that you’re safe with me.” to most It might sound like an empty promise. But I truly want to keep him safe, he’s suffered more than most, it’s something I can empathize with. I’m saying to him what I wished was said to me.

“You never mentioned your dad.” He'd bared his soul with me, the least I could do his show him a glimpse of mine. But I must find a way to put it nicely, I don’t think he’d appreciate my trash mouth.

“He caught me with, um, with a boy.” There is no disgust in his face, only a timid curiosity. I brace myself for the moment it all changes when he asks me to leave.

“Are you still, um, you know a?” I chuckle a bit at his awkwardness.

“No.”

“Since when?” I’ve never told anyone about this before, the losers all think I’m joking when I say I’m not a virgin. It’s not like I could tell them the truth, admittedly I’m scared of how’d they react.

“15.” It was two years after pennywise, and I had felt so alone. I had sought out that connection, it was Connor Bowers. Ironically the kid who called me a fag liked to fuck guys. It had happened a few times, always in a spot, no one would see. Admittedly he knew how to fuck someone senseless.

“How did you know, that you liked boys?” At first, I had thought it would just be a passing feeling, just hormones or something. But I fell in love with a boy, and I might be crushing on another.

“There’s no test you could fill out that would give you a definite answer. It’s just a feeling. I knew I’d rather look at the boys changing but I don’t mind the girls.”

“I want to look at you, Richie.” Before I can even process his words, warm lips are pressing against mine. It's chaste, nothing like the fevered make out sessions I’ve had before. But there’s something so innocent and special about it.

“Can I look at you, Will?” There’s a blush high on his cheeks and I have to restrain myself from pinching them. He nods his head and I pull him in for another gentle kiss.

“Maybe you could stay the night? I’m sure my mom wouldn’t mind.”

“Will Byers, you sneaky boy.” I’m honestly elated, no one has ever asked a parent to let me stay the night. Mrs. K would have an aneurysm if Eddie ever asked for me to stay the night. It’s not my first sleepover, I’ve stayed over at Beverly’s countless times. But it’s my first sleepover at a boyfriend's? Is that what we are now? Connor would have never stayed with me more than 10 minutes after we fucked.

“She says you can stay for supper too.” Will I have to leave before he gets up in the morning? But Mrs. B knows I’m staying, it no longer feels like some dirty secret. Will I ever be able to do this with Eddie? Will he even want that?

“I think I’m gay.” I would be more shocked if we hadn’t just kissed.

“Alright.” He doesn’t demand more explanation from me or get mad at my lack of response.

“Are you?” Truth is, I’ve never really thought of it before. But the idea of labeling it fills me with a sense of dread, if I put a label on it I’m stuck with it forever. Like it’s a cage I’ve put myself into, but I’ve thrown away the only key.

“No, I like who I like. and I think that’s enough.”

Eddie shows up my place a week after I stayed at Will’s.

“My mom’s being a bitch, can I stay.” He doesn’t wait for an answer as he pushes past me, he seems to be in a bad mood. There’s no light banter like usual, there’s no badly made grilled cheese. All he does is walk to my door at the end of the and forcefully pull it open. I have no choice but to follow him, he’s laying in bed in nothing but boxers. Was this visit fuelled by jealousy? Or does he just want to hang out with me, at three in the morning?

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” I don’t laugh, I can’t find it in me to find the humor of all this.

“Are you ok? Rich, you’re scaring me.” My body feels frozen to the spot, I can tell my face is slack. Eddie’s voice seems distant even though he’s sitting in front of me, only a few steps away.

“This isn’t funny.” Eddie is standing in front of me, but he’s also sitting on the bed. The Eddie standing advances to me, his limbs are stiff and jolting as if he’s never walked before. Eddie opens his mouth but words don’t come out, only a viscous black fluid that coats his chin. There’s a whimper trying to escape my throat but my lips are glued shut. A hole tears itself through his chest and more fluid leaks onto my carpet. I try to reach out, to do anything to help my Eddie but it’s useless. There’s a force much stronger than me keeping me immobile, keeping me from him. He approaches me and leans in so close that I can almost taste his acrid breath.

“Save me.” He leans in even closer and presses his lips against mine, it fucking burns. I can feel the substance drip down my chin, it sizzles and I can smell burning flesh.

“Richie!” I’m snapped out of whatever the hell that was by Eddie slapping me. It stings but doesn’t compare to the burn I felt only moments ago.

“What the fuck was that? You were fucking comatose.” I still feel like my lips are coated in the burning fluid, but Eddie can’t seem to see it. I stay silent and sit on the edge of the bed, Eddie seems to be fuming.

“Are you fucking mute? Tell me what the fuck just happened.” I can’t under no circumstance, tell him what happened. So I lie.

“Bad trip, took some stuff before you got here.” There is an undeniable rage that crosses over Eddie's face, I know he’s thinking about the last time I had a bad trip.

“I thought we were over this Rich, you fucking promised.” I didn’t break our promise, but I can’t tell him what’s actually going on. He would freak out, and that’s the last thing I need to deal with right now.

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” I don’t promise cause I know it’ll only upset him further.

“Let’s just go to bed.”

“You better not die in your sleep.” And maybe it’d bad that I take comfort in the fact that he lays just a bit closer, and rests his palm over my heart.

Eddie is actually there when I wake up.

“Won’t your mom worry?” It must’ve been a bad fight if he’s willing to stay this long.

“I’m 18, Rich she doesn’t own me anymore.” This is new, the only time I've ever seen Eddie rebel against Sonia is when Henry broke his arm. What changed?

“She’s been putting hormone blockers in my food.” I know my eyes have widened because Eddie gives me a scalding glare. To think that we all teased him for his small stature when he really had no say in it. He looked so small and fragile for an eighteen-year-old boy, it was just the way his mother wanted him.

“I’m fucking done with her, she can die for all I care.” She definitely wasn’t a saint, but to wish death upon her seems a bit extreme. But I don’t want to disagree with him, because then he might leave.

“You can stay with me.” It’s a risky suggestion, he might only be here to vent. He’d probably fit right in with Stan or Bill’s perfect family.

“Rich, you know I can’t.” Why? Is it because I’m gay? Or is it cause I’m fucking in love with you!

“Yeah.” This might be the worst pain I’ve ever felt, it feels like my heart has literally shattered in my chest. But I have Will now, don’t I? He cares about me, he kisses me back.

“I should go. I’ve already called Stan. Oh, and I threw all your cigarettes away.” How is it that I feel so strongly for someone who never really sees me. So what if I smoke? He knows why I do it, so he knows exactly what he’s doing to me by taking them away. He should know I’m just going to steal some more or take Beverly’s.

“Thanks for that, Eds. You’re such a great help.” Fuck.

“Can I try one?” I look up at Will from my cigarette, today we’re at my house.

“You sure? These are strong.” There’s a small glimpse of hesitation in his eyes, but he quickly pushes it down. I hand it to him and he takes a small puff, he doesn’t cough.

“You’ve done this before Byers?” 

“My mom smokes these, it’s not good.” I chuckle a bit as he hands it back to me, he doesn’t ask me to put it out. Whereas Eddie would glare/ignore me until I did.

“I told my mom about us.”

“Oh, really?” Fuck. This is it isn’t it? He’s going to kick me out and I’ll never be able to see him again, she probably thinks I’ve infected her son with my sickness.

“She’s really happy for me. For us.” My frantic thoughts halt and it takes me a bit to process his words. She’s not mad, in fact, she’s happy. What altered reality is this? Have I somehow left, Derry?

“I think you’re short-circuiting.” He gently places his hand in mine and turns my face to look at him.

“It’s alright, Rich. She really likes you, you know that?” I actually didn’t know that. I bring our lips together in a gentle kiss which he easily reciprocates. We’ve never gone farther than a bit of tongue, but I realize I’m okay with that. We have all the time to take things slow, there’s no need to rush.

“I _really_ like you, Richie.” The confession brings a smile to my face.

“I really like you too.”

“Do you wanna stay the night?” He says it with false innocence and it has my blood rushing.

“It would be an honor, William.” I mock solute him and easily drape myself over him, just as I’m pushing my hands under his shirt. Just then the door bursts open, hot shame crawls up my throat and I jump away from Will.

“Mike is dead.” My shame is momentarily replaced by pure confusion.

“What?” There’s a thin trickle of blood running down Eleven’s nose, This doesn’t make any sense.

“He’s in my room.” Without thinking I run straight down the hall and into her room, and I see it. Eddie is standing in the middle of the room. His throat is slit and blood id bubbling out of his mouth. There is an absolute terror in his eyes as he reaches out for me. Will cries out behind me but I can’t look away. El is yelling behind me but I cannot hear her, all I hear is his helpless gurgling as he clings to my shoulders.

“Save me.” My eyelids feel heavy and before I know it the ground is fast approaching.

“Richie?” I blink open my droopy eyelids to see to faces above me. Will smiles down at me and takes my hand, the weight grounds me to reality.

“What happened?” A bleeding mouth flashes before my eyes and I unwilling flinch back.

“Mike was in El’s room and he was,”

“Dying.” I finish his sentence for him. But it wasn’t Mike in there, it was my Eddie. Can I even call him mine anymore? Why is it that they both saw something different than me, why was I the only one to pass out?

“I don’t understand. What was that?” Of course, they’re confused, it’s not every day you see your best friend dying before your eyes.

“Richie are you good? You’re really pale.” Will turned my face to him, but I had a hard time focusing on any one thing. My eyes shifted around his face in a blur and I realized I wasn’t wearing my glasses. I started to feel around for them, but before I got up El puts them on my face.

“Water.” It hurts to talk, El rushes out of the room and returns just as quick with a glass. I gulp it down in record time, Will gives me a worried look. I don’t fucking understand any of this. If only Stan was here, he would be able to see the pattern that is alluding me. A headache is crawling up the back of my neck and I wince.

“Your nose is bleeding.” I quickly wipe away the blood that has begun to pool on my upper lip. I don’t need them to worry about me.

“What did you see?” she knows, somehow she knows I’ve seen something different than them.

“Eddie.” There is a slight recognition in Will's eyes at the name. I don’t know why but I feel the beginnings of guilt settle in my stomach. Even after my botched confession, I can’t stop fucking thinking of him. Even as Will rests his hand on my shoulder and looks at me so tenderly, he’s still on my mind. Fuck you, Eddie! I just want to fucking scream, but my head is splitting in two and everything’s a fucking blur. Will’s frantically tapping me on the shoulder but I can’t hear what he’s saying. My brain is rattling around my skull and whispers are building into screams, am I dying? A rush of coldness overtakes my body and the voices cease there screams.

“Oh my god, Richie? Shit, Richie are you alright? Oh my god.” His hands and eyes are frantic on my face, but El stands back with a considerate look on her face.

“Who are you?” The question catches me off guard, it’s one I’ve asked myself many times. But I know she means a different thing, she thinks I’ve been lying to her, to Will.

“I’m Richard Tozier, and I’ve grown up in Derry my whole life.” My response satisfies her and she gets closer to me, no longer weary.

“How long have you known you could do that?” Ok now I’m confused, I didn’t do anything. she sees my confusion and it dawns on her. She carefully kneels down in front of me and looks me in the eye, it makes me nervous.

“You do stuff with your mind. Did you not see how everything floated.” I feel a sickness so deep it rattles my soul. They were floating. Floating? No, no, no! she mistakes my fear for disbelief and try’s to put on a comforting act, but I can’t let them be near me. I’m a danger to them.

“I’m so sorry.” Hot tears are spilling down my cheeks, but before they pity me I run out of the room. If I stay close to them they’ll only get hurt. I can’t be guilty of their downfall.

_Eddie Kaspbrak, Derry Maine_

_Dear Diary,_

_Go fuck yourself. I don’t mean that I’ve never done this kinda thing before. Stan told me it can help sort out your thoughts. After that summer my head's been a mess, and my mom’s being a massive bitch. I shouldn’t call her that, but it’s the truth. She’s become even more overbearing if that’s even possible. I also think Richie’s mom is a bitch, he’d yell at me if I ever said that to him. He says she’s trying her best, and that it’s been hard since Wentworth left. Richie has never told me the reason, one day they were all together. Then the next day their family was in shambles. Richie told me he loved me. I said I wasn’t gay, then I told him to leave. We haven’t been the same since I’ve royally fucked everything up. He’s started hanging out with the new kids, he’s definitely ignoring me. When I see him smiling with that new boy I get so angry, then I ignore him the whole day. I can’t sleep at night, he’s always on my mind. I go to his house late at night, he always looks so sad when I show up. I really hurt him, but he’s hurt me too. I told him I didn’t like that other boy, he seems to hang out with him more. That new kid can’t understand Richie as I do, I’ve seen him at his lowest. He doesn’t know how to take care of him as I do. The last time I was at his house he was acting really strange. He told me it was a bad trip, but I know it wasn’t true. I had gotten rid of everything but his cigarettes. He lied to my face, I just want to be able to help him. Every day he feels further apart from me. I feel physical pain whenever he’s not by my side. I wish I could keep him locked in my room so he’ll just be with me forever. He would be safe with me, I can take care of him. I can love him._

_-Eddie._

_Richie Tozier, Derry Maine_

Nothing makes sense, my thoughts are spiraling, my head’s spiraling. I’m spiraling. I don’t know where I am. The trees loom above me and the darkness beckons me closer. It’s calling my name in a singsong voice. I so desperately want to follow it, but my feet are rooted to the earth. A sun-kissed hand reaches out to me and I desperately grasp at it.

“Richie?” The fog clears and Eddie is standing before me.

“Are you alright?” He seems different. His skin is flushed and there’s a glint in his eyes. I look around and realize I’ve stumbled into the Barren’s, why is Eddie here?

“I’m fine, just a bit spaced out.” He lays down next to me, his pinkie grazes over mine.

“I love you, Richie.” For the first time in my life, my voice has failed me. I’d been dreaming of hearing those words fo forever. But know that they lay there in the air, there’s nothing but dread in my stomach.

“No, you don’t.” The words scratch against my throat and come out bitter. He’s only saying this because he’s jealous, why can’t he understand I could never replace him.

“Yes, I do!” He grips my hand in an iron grip, I hear him roll over but I stay put. I can feel his eyes boring into the side of my head, I refuse to look.

“Can you please look at me?” against my better judgment I turn my head, his eyes are brimming with tears. I resist the urge to wipe them away, I’ve always hated seeing him cry.

“Eddie please don’t play with my feelings like this.” He lunges forward and captures my lips in a searing kiss. He gives me no time to react as he pushes his tongue into my mouth. I had fantasized about this moment for years, but now it only feels wrong. I push him away and drag my body back from him.

“What the fuck, Eddie?” He dares to look upset like he was the one who was forcibly kissed.

“I’m showing you I love you. I thought you loved me?” My head has started to get fuzzy again and I need to get him away from me. I don’t want to hurt him, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

“I’m with someone else, Eddie.” The words hurt to get out, but I am not a cheater. Will deserves the world, I will do my best to give it to him. No matter the cost.

“You can’t be with someone else. I love you, Richie, I can take care of you. Please let me.” He’s full-on sobbing now, but it’s hard to hear with the increasing noise in my head. The ground beneath me is trembling and it’s only a matter of time before I lose all control. I know what I have to do. It’s the only way to keep him safe.

“Stay the fuck away from me freak. If you ever come near me I’ll fucking kill you. Got it!” He flees instantly and my heart tears out of my chest. It’s better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all. Whoever said that must have never been in love. At least he’ll be safe, that’s all that matters. I scream into the open air and the trees around me tremble before splintering into pieces. They rain down on me but I feel nothing, even as blood pools into my eyes.

My mom is making dinner when I get home.

“Sweetheart, what happened to you?” I look down at my arms and find they’re littered with cuts and dried blood.

“It’s nothing to worry about Ma.” I kiss her on the forehead and begin helping her with dinner.

“I worry for you so much Richard, sometimes I see too much of your father in you.” My eyes go wide at the mention of that man, ever since he left she hasn’t spoken of him.

“He always used to get so angry and he would disappear for hours then come home looking just like you are now,” She placed her knife on the counter and took a deep breath.

“I’m so sorry Richard I’ve been gone for so long I never stopped to think how you must feel in all of this. I love you so much Richie, and it would destroy me to lose you like I lost your father.” She pulls me into her arms as I finally release the tears I’d been holding back.

“Why don’t you take the day off tomorrow? We’ll spend the whole day together, just you and me.” I nod my head and she has me sit down at the table while she finishes dinner.

“I love you to Ma.”

The line rings three times before Will picks up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey it’s me, can I come over?” He says yes and I hang up the phone. The guilt of what happened at the Barren’s eats away inside of me, but I can’t tell him. He’s already been through so much, but it’s not like I wanted that kiss. He forced himself on me, so it doesn’t count, right? It only takes me three minutes to get there since he lives two floors above me. I hesitantly knock on his door, Will throws it open and pulls me into a crushing hug.

“I was so worried about you, you’d just ran off.” He really does care about me, it makes the guilt burn hotter in my heart.

“I’m sorry, I just got so scared.” He releases me and closes the door behind us, we go to his bedroom. I throw myself onto his bed and he situates himself right beside me. I throw my arm over him and press a soft kiss to his head.

“Let’s just be teenagers again, no killer monsters, no deaths.”

“What do you mean?” I absently run my hand up and down his arms and he shivers in response.

“Let’s go on a road trip! We could go see your friends.” His face lights up and he moves to straddle my hips.

“Do you really mean that? Could we really go see them?” Instead of answering him I pull him down into a kiss, he hums happily against my lips. Cold hands slip under my shirt and I open my mouth in invitation. I pull away after a couple minutes and regard Will with burning eyes.

“You’re gonna be the death of me Byers.” He just gives me a sly smile and leaves a trail of love bites up my neck, I let out a breathy moan. There’s no need to keep quiet since Eleven and Mrs. B are out for the day.

“Can I touch you? Please, Rich?” I vigorously nod my head and he pushes my shirt up and over my head. Goose pimples rise up over my body and I shiver at the exposure, it quickly goes away when Will strips off his own shirt and heat travels all the way up my body.

“You’re so hot.” It comes out before I’ve even processed the thought, but I love the way it makes red spread all over Will’s chest.

“Shut up Rich.” I easily flip us over so now I’m the one on top of him, it’s quite the sight. His hair is spread out in a halo of brown and his face is a beautiful pink.

“I want you so bad, Will.” He has a contemplative look in his eyes as he trails his hands to my jaw, he grips it and holds my head towards him.

“I want all of you Richie, can I have that?” I lean down close to his lips and whisper against his flushed skin.

“Always.”

“Are you kids all packed to go?” Joyce is frantically stuffing things into the trunk of my pickup, while El waits in the front seat.

“Yes mom, we have everything we need. It’s only two and a half weeks.” He sounds exasperated but I can see that he’s grateful. For all the time I spend at Will’s place Joyce almost feels like a second mother to me. Unlike my own mom, she actually knows what went down that summer. I don’t blame my mom, she really has been doing her best for me. It’s a different connection that I have to Joyce, it’s almost like she really sees me.

“Will and Eleven are in great hands, Mrs. B! I’ll be sure to take the utmost care of them.” Will’s face flushes and I give him a sly smile.

“Richie!” I would be able to recognize that voice anywhere. I turn around just in time for Bev to barrel into me. I almost topple over but catch myself in the last second.

“Where are you going? Are you Ok?” I pull away and steady her with hands on her shoulders, eleven has gotten out of the car to investigate the noise.

“I’m going to Indiana, but don’t worry I'll come back.” Be turns around at the sound of the door closing.

“You must be Eleven! I’m so happy to finally meet you! Oh, and you’re Will!” El looks startled but accepts Beverly’s hug, Will is much more enthusiastic. I’d been talking about them meeting, I could just tell that Beverly would love him.

“You must be the famous Beverly, Richie tells me wonderful things about you.” Beverly’s face turns almost as red as her hair, parents had always known her as the dirty girl. I’m sure Joyce had heard the rumors, but I’m glad she didn’t believe them.

“Promise you’ll be safe, ok?” She brings our scared palms together and rests her forehead against mine. It was our ritual for whenever one of us would leave, the deadlights had brought us even closer than the rest of the losers.

“I promise, I love you.” The last part is whispered, it almost feels to intimate for a public setting. Everyone says there final goodbyes and we get situated in the truck. Will and El wave goodbye and I blow a kiss to Beverly.

“Bitchin.” I look over to El and see she has a wide smile on her face.

“Hell ya, it is!”

Our drive ended up being two days, but we were finally passing the welcome sign into Hawkins, Indiana. Will was practically vibrating with excitement and El was looking longingly out the window.

“So where are we staying?” If I’m being super honest I had not thought that far ahead.

“Funny thing is, as of yet we do not have a place to stay.” Will gives me incredulous look but I can still see a small smile on his lips.

“I’ll stay with Mike.” I look over to El, she’s still looking out the window. They had told me what had happened between the two, I almost threw up cause I was laughing so much at the way she had broken up with him. I dump your ass, iconic.

“What’s his address? But if he does anything to hurt you I’ll beat his ass.” She smiles and tells me where he lives. His house is huge, definitely a rich boy. Maybe snobby, but I haven’t met him yet. I ring the doorbell because El’s hand had been too shaky, I can basically taste the nerves radiating off her. The door opens and now I can see why everyone thought I was him. We could be twins, though his hair is straight and I’m definitely the better-looking one.

“We’re not interested in buying-” His words trail off as he takes in the view, he stands there dumbly before pulling Eleven close to him. I feel very awkward as he notices Will and gives him the same treatment. Then he finally notices me, he does a double-take.

“Who the hell are you?”

“‘I must have the wrong address, did you not order a hooker?” He doesn’t laugh, Will stifles a giggle.

“Richie Tozier’s the name and doing voices is my game.” I hold out my hand a plaster a huge smile on my face, he doesn’t take it. My smile drops and I stuff my hands in my pocket.

“Mike, can you at least let us inside, it’s really cold out here.” He stands aside and lets us walk past him, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt for Will’s sake. But let’s be honest, Mike is kind of an ass.

“I didn’t expect to see you guys until summer?” He brings Will and El juice and sits himself down at the kitchen table. I stay at the kitchen island clearly realizing I’m not accepted. I’m not gonna throw a fit, I’m not gonna ruin this for Will or El. I tune out their conversation and stare at the fridge, it’s full of family photos and quirky magnets. I distantly hear Mike mention my name as if I’m not even in the room, this guy’s got a lot of fucking nerve. A ringing starts in my head and I try to calm my mind, I don’t need to use control in a stranger's house.

“What’s his problem?” Fuck, didn’t his mother teach him manners? He must really be a snobby rich kid, why is Will even friends with him? All of the magnets slide off the fridge and a glass on the counter shatters. Everyone turns to look at me and my face flushes.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” Will comes over to me and searches for any injuries, and El gets to calmly cleaning up the mess.

“What the hell is going on here?” Eleven lays her head on Mike's shoulder and waits for one of us to explain.

“Richie’s got powers.” He says it and nothing more as if it’s explanation enough. It should, I’ve forgotten that Mike and all of their friends killed a fucked up monster too.

“I think it’s best if we leave, we still don't have a place to stay yet.” I pick myself off the chair and stretch out my arms, it’s getting late. If it really comes down to it I guess Will and I could sleep in the truck.

“Steve’s got a new place, you guys could maybe bunk there?” He’s probably only being nice to get me out of his house. I’d probably want me out of the house too, I’ve been told I’m a bit much.

“Thanks, Mike, We’ll get the whole party together tomorrow.” Will guides me out of the house with a gentle hand on my back, I feel bad about leaving El with that asshole. But she trusts him, and I trust her judgment.

“Sorry about Mike, he doesn’t like new people.” I nod my head in understanding, Eddie has always been like that. Will gives me a long kiss as I settle myself in the driver's seat. He pulls away and I’m left breathless.

“At least wait till we’re in an actual room to jump my bones,” I say it with a laugh and start the truck, he rests his hand on my thigh and runs his thumb up and down. It’s really distracting but I try to focus my attention on the road. We get to this Steve’s apartment and a girl opens the door with an exasperated sigh.

“Dingus your children are here.”

“Henderson?” A disembodied voice calls back and the girl in front of us squints at Will and me.

“No, Byers and Wheeler.” Wheeler? That’s a stupid last name. Steve comes out from one of the rooms and gestures for the girl to let us in. It’s a cute apartment, there’s movie poster stacked on the walls and a Scoops Ahoy uniform hanging on the wall.

“Will? What brings you here? Who’s this kid?” Finally, one fucking person doesn’t think I’m Mike Wheeler. The girl comes back with a beer in hand and I itch for the burn in my throat.

“This is Richie, we need a place to stay for two weeks. Please can we stay here, we’ll even share a bed.” I stand there awkwardly and smile at the girl, I’ve been in their house for at least 3 minutes and I don’t even know her name.

“Hi, I’m Richie.”

“I’m Robin.” I go silent after that and awkwardness lays heavy in the air, Will and Steve are still talking.

“You guys can take the guest room. But you have to do the dishes if you want to stay here.” That’s reasonable enough, I can do dishes.

“Is it alright if I smoke? I can do it outside.” Steve’s jaw drops and Robin barks out a laugh.

“How old are you?”

“17.” He runs his hand through his air and mutters about kids these days, all the way to his room.

“It’s fine, try not to do it too much. Steve's poor heart can only handle so much.” She says it with a laugh and my anxiety dissipates. I like her, she reminds me of Beverly.

“So William, what are tonight's plans?” I say as soon as I sit down on the bed. He’s already stripping out of his day clothes, carefully folding them as he goes. 

“I brought some comics, and a few cassette tapes we could listen to.” I drag him into bed by the hips and he lands on top of me with a huff. His elbow hits my nose and tears spring to my eyes.

“Ow!” He pears over at me with an exasperated face.

“You did that to yourself.” I pout and bury my face into his neck.

“You’re so mean.” It’s muffled and my warm breath causes goose pimples to rise along his back. I inch my hands under his shirt and pull him flush against me.

“I missed you.”

“I’ve been with you all day.”

“All of you ignored me at Mike's place. You know I’m an attention whore.” He laughs and finally turns to face me, I capture his lips in a drawn-out kiss. He grips my hair and I let out a pleased hum.

“Let’s go to bed, we have a big day tomorrow.” He agrees with me and we stay wrapped together as we drift off.

_Eddie Kaspbrak, Derry Maine_

_Dear diary, I kissed Richie today. He pushed me away and said he’d kill me if I ever come near him. There was such sadness in his eyes as he said it though. I know he didn’t mean it, he loves me. I can feel it radiating off him, he’s trying to protect me. But I don’t know what. I went to his house today, but he was gone. His truck is gone, and so is all his stuff. Has he run away? He promised we’d leave together, I can’t live without him._

_Richie Tozier, Hawkins Indiana_

“Henderson!” I’m woken up by shouts and yelling coming from outside the bedroom door. Will’s body is still pressed against mine, he seems to be sound asleep. I groan and try to untangle myself as gently as possible without waking him up. I fumble around for my glasses then quietly exit the room. Steve and Robin are animatedly talking with some curly-headed kid. It seems that his front teeth are missing.

“Richie, you’re awake. Coffee?” I graciously accept the outstretched mug and let it warm my hands. The kid finally realizes I’m here and fully faces me.

“Oh my god! You look just like Mike!” I just sip my coffee and nod, Steve’s silently laughing behind him.

“Do you need glasses? This kid looks nothing like him. Everything’s all. . . Wrong.” He widely gestures to me.

“Is this how you treat all your guests? The women must love you.” Robin barks out a laugh but it doesn’t make me feel any better. What a great way to wake up, first coffee, then all your faults are pointed out.

“For starters, your hair is much longer and curlier! You’re also way taller than him, even the way you hold yourself is different. He’s always tense like he’s looking over his shoulder. You’re relaxed like you haven’t got a care.” It’s too early for this psycho analyzing bullshit.

“And Mike doesn’t have a tattoo!” My eyes go wide and I feel my face turn red, Beverly had done it so long ago I almost forgot. They all cautiously approach me as I lift my sleeve.

“Wow!” It’s fully revealed and my face goes even redder when I see it in full. It’s of a frog being held up by chopsticks. If I’m being completely honest I have no idea when I got it. An entire two days are missing from my memory, at the start my arm was bare then I woke up and Bobert was on my arm. Beverly said she did it for me, it seems like the kind of thing we’d get up to.

“Are you guys talking about Bobert?” Will’s sleepy voice comes from behind me and everyone turns their head.

“Bobert?”

“Will!” Both Robin and New kid yells out at the same time. I turn my focus onto Robin, the kid seems like a handful.

“That’s his name.”

“I like you, Tozier. You’re different than all those guys.” Her approval does wonders for my confidence. I feel a smile overtake my face and she punches my shoulder.

“don’t let it get to your head.” The smile stays on my face as I head over to the window, I pull my pack out once I’m sat down. Will glances over at me as I flick the lighter, and gives me a small smile.

“Hi, I’m Dustin.” His hand is outstretched towards me, he probably hasn’t washed them. Instead, I mock salute him.

“Richie Tozier, a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He seems un-phased at the small rejection, I haven’t ruined anything yet.

“Steve’s right, you’re nothing like Mike. You’re so much cooler.” Once again I feel my face burn red.

“Dustin. You’re embarrassing him.” Will comes over and puts an arm around me, he takes the cigarette from my fingers and takes a quick hit. He tosses it out the open window.

“Get dressed so we can go see the rest of our friends.” _Our_ friends. I need to remember to call Beverly tonight. I head over to our room and empty my bag onto the bed. Eddie considers my wardrobe choices atrocious. They were bright colors and endless patterns. I pick out black corduroy pants and a red t-shirt.

“Eat the rich? Are you kidding me, you know Mike is kinda rich.” I turn around to see Will standing behind me.

“That’s exactly why I’m wearing it, babe.”

We meet up in the Starcourt Mall, it’s packed tight with sweaty bodies and B.O. It’s absolutely disgusting.

“Did we really have to meet here?” I’m gripping his arm so tight there’ll surely be marks. He leans in so close his lips are almost pressed against my ear.

“You’re doing so well baby, I promise I’ll make it up to you later.” It takes everything in me to not get hard, the little shit knows exactly what he’s doing if the smirk on his face is anything to go by. Dustin is sitting opposite us but he doesn’t seem to notice. They said they would be here at 1:30, it’s almost 2 o’clock.

“Will! I’m so sorry we’re late, Lucas doesn’t know how to drive.” The redhead’s hitting the back of - what I assume is - Lucas’s head. Mike is walking behind El's hand in his with a scowl on his face, I assume it’s because of me. They sit down and greet each other, it’s familiar and easy. It makes me miss my friends, I wish Beverly was here.

“So, why’s Richie here?”

Even the way he says my name is full of venom, why does Mike hate me? Maybe it’s cause I look better than him?

“We don’t need any new party members, we’re full.” Once again he’s talking about as if I’m not sitting two feet away from him.

“Mike! Don’t be such a fucking asshole!” Everyone startles at the sound of Wills’ voice, he basically never swears. Mike’s face is beet red, everyone is silent.

“I can tell when I’m not welcome, so I’ll save you all the trouble and just leave right now.” There are too many people that are brushing up against me, they’re all looking at me. Ringing fills my ears but I don’t care to stop it. So what if everyone’s looking, let them look! I feel rather than see the table we were sitting at split cleanly down the middle, I don’t look back.

“You’re back early, where is everyone else?” Steve and Robin are both sat in front of the TV, their feet propped up on the table.

“Are all of Will’s friends' assholes?”

“Yes, but not Henderson.” Oh, I left Will there.

“Can I use your phone?” I wait for a nod from both of them before I rush over to where the phone is hung on the wall. I pull the cord as far as it can go and sit myself on the bathroom counter.

“Bev, I wanna come home.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, the tears start to fall.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“They all hate me, Mike’s a fucking asshole, and I broke a table,” I say it all in one breath and I’m breathing heavily by the end of it. The tears continue to fall, I don’t wipe them away.

“You’re new to them they aren’t going to love you the first time they meet you, look how long it took Eddie to warm up to you. How did you break a table?” The mention of Eddie brings an onslaught of fresh tears, I’d said such horrible things to him. We’ll probably never be the same.

“With my fucking mind Bev, I don’t know what’s happening to me, everything is so fucked up.”

“Is it like that girl you were talking about?”

“I’m afraid Bev, it’s so destructive I’m scared I’m going to hurt one of you guys. Or worse.”

“You mean hurt Eddie? He told me what you said, not what lead up to it. He’s so worried about you, he cares about you so much. We all do Babe.” Eddie’s not mad, everything can still be fixed.

“I’ll help you Rich, you don’t need to face this alone. All of us will help you.”

“Thanks, Bevvie. Be safe, I love you.”

“I love you too, Rich.” The dial tone droned on, but I keep the phone to my ear. Everything is going to be ok, my friends are gonna help me. I can still make things right with Eddie.

“You ok? Do you want some coffee?” Robin is standing in the doorframe holding a mug of coffee. She passes it to me and I take it with a smile, least she and Steve don’t seem to hate me. I follow her back out to the kitchen, where Steve has started cooking.

“All of them pretty much grew up together, so to them, you’re the outsider. You’re something foreign, new. Mike’s a creature of habit, he’s scared of new things. At least that’s what Dustin told me, it took forever and almost dying for him to accept Max. Even he hardly talks to her,” He takes a sip of coffee and stirs whatever’s in the pan.

“He probably won’t come around in this short of time, so I’d say it’s best to count your loses and just let Will enjoy the limited time he has with his friends.” For a guy who sells movies for a living, he’s pretty damn wise. It’d be selfish of me to demand that we all go home, it must be so hard for him to move away from his friends forever. I wouldn’t be able to survive without the losers.

“Was that your girlfriend on the phone?” The drastic topic change almost gives me whiplash.

“No, sometimes I wish she was. So are you guys dating?” Steve blushes and Robin full out laughs.

“Never, I’m definitely a lesbian.”

“Oh cool, Will and I are fucking.” Steve splutters and almost drops the pan, while Robin falls to the ground in a fit of laughter.

“Oh my god have you guys, Inside my house?” This poor man.

“I would never dare to desecrate your home in such a dirty way.” Laughter bubbles out of my mouth and I join Robin on the floor

“You totally have! You can’t control yourselves for two weeks?” He’s practically sobbing at the implications of what we’ve done in his house. I’m laughing so hard that I can barely breathe, I look over to Robin and it seems she’s in the same boat as me. I finally pull myself together and get up off the floor, I decided to help Steve out with dinner. It’s the least I can do after everything he’s done for me.

“What was it like, when you saw the Mindflayer?” He looks startled for a moment, he probably didn’t know I knew.

“I barely got a glimpse but when I did I felt so cold. It was like I could hardly breathe.”

“What did it look like?”

“Nancy said it was melted people, she saw it happen. Right before her eyes they just melted into this goo and tried to kill her.” It doesn’t make any sense with what I know about It. But the fear is still there, on a much larger scale this time. The melted people could also be considered Its food. It doesn’t correlate with the weird things I’ve been seeing, what does ‘Save me’ mean? None of this makes any fucking sense.

“How did you kill it?”

“Joyce and Hopper went down to the la to find the key so they could shut down the gate. Once they did that it just died, dropped dead right in the middle of the mall.” It couldn’t have been that easy if my theory is correct and that’s really Pennywise, it doesn’t make sense.

“Were there any lights? Like three bright lights in Its mouth?” They both look really confused, I can get that. I’m probably not making any sense.

“I don’t know, I only saw it for like two minutes. Why are you so interested in this?” Without any other choice, I explain the whole pennywise situation. I leave out some parts, like the fact that I can do stuff with my mind. They listen attentively the whole time.

“That’s so fucked up. What is with monsters and attacking kids? It’s all over now anyway, so why don’t we have a nice normal dinner tonight.” We all agree and I help him finish the spaghetti, it actually looks really good. The phone rings and Robin goes to answer it.

“Will’s staying at Mikes tonight, so it’s just us.” I hate to say it but I’m grateful, I just need some time to think.

“There’s something wrong with me.” I confess after we’ve put all the dishes away.

“You’re not special, everyone has something wrong with them.” I decide not to elaborate, and instead say goodnight. Of course nobody’s perfect, but I know something is seriously wrong. There’s a darkness inside me, and it grows everyday. Is this why my father left, could he see that darkness?

The two weeks have gone by so fast and we’re already making up to leave. I’m really gonna miss Steve and Robin, but not the rest. After that first day I never met up with the party again. I let Will and Eleven have their fun, I also hadn’t told Will about my worries yet. I didn’t want to ruin his trip, but I promised myself I would do it when we got home.

“Stay safe Tozier, I’m really gonna miss you.” I hug Robin goodbye then move onto Steve

“Everything’s gonna be fine, just stay safe.” I hold on just a little longer before will finally coaxs’s me away. It’s just Me, Will, Eleven, Steve and Robin, the party had said goodbye earlier, most likely they didn’t want to see me. I wonder what Will told them about the table breaking. The fewer people who knew the better. I say goodbye one last time as we’re driving away.

“Thank’s Richie.” I give Will a small smile as the Hawkins sign leaves my rearview mirror.

I need to end things with Will, I’m a danger to him. But I haven’t seen Will since I dropped him off. I’m hoping that by avoiding him he’ll eventually get fed up with me and just do the job for me. A knock at the front door snaps me out of my thoughts, I rush to open it and I’m surprised to see Eddie standing there.

“I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t breathe. All I think about is you, day and night. I’m so fucking in love with you and It’s killing me that you’re pushing me away.” As soon as he finishes I surge forward and press my lips to his. He eagerly pushes his tongue into my mouth, without breaking contact I usher us inside, closing the door behind us.

“I have never stopped loving you, Eddie. And I never will. You are the only thing that matters to me.” He pushes me down on the bed and climbs atop me.

“Stay with me forever, Rich. You and me against the world. I don’t give a shit what people say.” It’s basically the equivalent to a marriage proposal, and I can see it. Spending the rest of my life with Eddie Kaspbrak.

“Forever is a long time.”

“It isn’t long enough. I will stay with you for eternity Richie.”

It’s later that night as Eddie’s steady breathing fills the emptiness of the room, that I remember Will. I’ve fucked someone else while I’m still with Will, that’s gotta be a one-way ticket to hell. Careful not to disturb Eddie, I carefully extract myself from his embrace. I check the clock, it’s still not too late Will should be awake. I dial the now familiar number and anxiously wait. It rings four times before Will answers the phone.

“Richie, what’s up?” Before I can even get out the words my eyes begin to water, the guilt has returned full force now.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t think this is gonna work out. You and me.”

“I don’t understand, what did I do?”

“It’s nothing you did, it’s me. God I know it sounds fucking cliche but I can’t be with you anymore.”

“Mike was right about you! How could I have been so stupid? You were just using me, weren’t you?”

“Of course not I, I care about you!”

“I don’t want to hear it.” The line goes dead and I stand there in shock. I had hoped it would’ve gone differently. I wander back into my room, Eddie is awake.

“How did it go?” Was this his plan? To fuck me so I had no choice but to break up with Will.

“Everything’s fine. We can now fuck guilt-free!” I plaster on a fake smile.

“Why do you insist on turning everything into a joke?” If I didn’t know him so well, I would think he was actually upset with me.

“Life would be so boring otherwise. On a more serious note, did you really mean it? When you said you’d stay with me forever or was it just cause you were trying to get in my pants?” I try to end on a joke but it falls flat.

“Obviously I wanted to fuck you, but I really did mean it. I can’t survive without you. I love you so much, I’d stay with you even longer if I could.”

“You’re eighteen! Let’s just fucking leave, all of us. We’ll be done school in a week, so let’s just leave.”

“Ok.”

“Ok? You’re okay with this? You’re not gonna try and talk me out of it?”

“No. I want that, Rich. I want to be able to live with you and all the others.” Ok, that’s fucking fantastic! All we need to do is convince the other Losers.

Considering how sudden the idea was they agree to it pretty quick. The only one who was hard to convince was Stan, but he eventually came around. We’ve already been accepted to the same university, and it’d be easy to find a place off-campus for all of us. Even our parents went along with it, though we haven’t talked to Eddie’s mom yet. Sonia has always been relentlessly strict, even forbidding Eddie to go out after dark.

“I don’t think we should tell her. She’s just gonna freak out and lock me up like some prisoner. I’ve already pushed it by not taking those meds anymore. I wasn’t allowed to go out for two weeks.”

“I understand but she’ll hunt you down and probably get us all sent to jail for kidnapping.” I nod along with Bill’s explanation, she’s already tried to get me arrested when she saw me smoking.

“I agree with Bill, it’ll go better if you didn’t lie. I’ll even go with you if that helps?”

“Rich, she fucking hates you. If anything it’ll make her more inclined to imprison me.”

“Ok I get that but I can help. She doesn’t seem to hate me when I’m fucking her so well.”

“Beep-beep Richie!” They all shout in unison, ok I deserved that.

“Why don’t we just figure this out tomorrow? Let’s have one last night of fun before Mrs. K kills us all.” They all agree with me and we start to make our way to the clubhouse. One last night of fun before the rest of our lives.

We had a plan, we really did. Stan was going to go with Eddie to convince his mom. Sonia considered him the least dirty of all Eddie’s friends. The odds weren’t looking too great, so I decided to visit Eddie one last time before everything went to hell.

“Richie? What the fuck are you doing here?” He whispers shouts as he opens his bedroom window.

“I’ve come to save the fair maiden, and perhaps sully his dignity.” It’s not my best impression but it has the effect I wanted. There’s a lovely blush beginning to form on Eddie’s face. I crawl through and lay on his bed, it’s soft and smells freshly laundered.

“Why can’t we just run away tonight? My mom’s never gonna let me leave, you know that.” He sits down on the bed and I reposition my head to rest on his pillowy thighs.

“Let's just see what happens, ok? and if even then she refuses to let you go, I’ll save you.”

“My hero.” He says it deadpan but I can hear the affection. I nuzzle closer to his crotch and hear him take in a sharp breath.

“Let me take your mind off it. Let me make you feel good.” He enthusiastically nods his head and I slide off the bed to position myself on my knees. I’m in the middle of kissing his gorgeous thighs and unbuttoning his jeans when the door cracks against the wall. I’m pulled back by my hair and I slid across the floor until the wall colliding with my back stops me. Sonia Kaspbrak in her 300-pound glory stands above me.

“How dare you! You dirty faggot, you’re corrupting my poor Eddie-bear!” I shrink back against the wall and watch as she turns her fury on Eddie.

“My poor baby! He’s made you dirty but I can make you better. You’re sick Eddie, but I have a perfect place for you! It’s a summer camp, the priest runs it, he can make you better!” She’s downright hysterical and gripping Eddie’s arm like a vice. He’s trembling and I can see the tears slipping down his face. This is the end, I’m never going to see Eddie again because his stupid bitch mother is fucking crazy.

“And you,” she turns her full fury onto me again.

“I’ll have you locked up! You’ll rot in a prison cell for the rest of your miserable life for what you’ve done to my boy!” Her boy, the words disgust me. For her to think she could ever own someone as precious as Eddie, she’s a fucking fool. Eddie has said nothing this whole ordeal but there’s terror in his eyes. We make eye contact and he moves two words to me ‘Save me’.

In a split second her head was there then it was everywhere. Her blood and chunks of flesh coated Eddie’s and my skin. Everything is quiet until Eddie begins to laugh. He crumples to the floor where the remaining parts of his mother lay and laughs. I can’t hold the contents of my stomach any longer and I empty it beside her body.

“Richie?”

“We have to leave, Eds c’mon we have to leave. Now!” I pull him out of his bedroom, down the stairs, and out the front door. I grip his hand tight as we run down the deserted streets of Derry, we can’t look back.

**Author's Note:**

> So I was really unhappy with the original ending, it felt way to rushed and just plain bad. So I changed some stuff near the end, so it flows easier and adds just a bit more drama.


End file.
